Recovering Me: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

Have you ever tried setting a boundary and felt like you just started a war? You know, when you decide to speak up for yourself, and instead of people respecting your limits, you get confusion, guilt, or even anger in return. It’s like you’ve suddenly entered a chaotic world where your rights are questioned, and your boundaries are seen as an attack. But here’s the truth: setting boundaries is your right. Nobody should make you feel guilty for saying no, for taking care of yourself. So why do we get these wild reactions? Well, it turns out that when you start protecting your personal space, not everyone will be on board. Some people get defensive, others react harshly, and some may even ignore you completely. It’s all about control, and you’ll learn how to handle it. Let’s talk about how people react when you set boundaries and why it can sometimes feel like you’re walking through a storm.

Introduction Leaving a narcissistic relationship can feel like walking out of a fog. It’s often difficult to understand why the emotional pain you experience seems so overwhelming and endless. While there is physical freedom from the narcissist, the emotional and psychological grip they held on you can remain long after the relationship has ended. For many survivors of narcissistic abuse, the journey of healing is not just a process of leaving the person behind but of reclaiming your life, your identity, and your sense of self-worth. This journey can feel isolating, with the weight of emotional scars that may seem impossible to overcome. Narcissistic abuse leaves a lasting impact, not only because of the manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional trauma you endured but also because of the way it changes your view of yourself and your relationships with others. You may be left questioning your reality, doubting your worth, and struggling to rebuild your life. But recovery is possible, a...

Introduction: The Seeds of Self-Doubt I started to believe them. I questioned myself constantly, grappling with a growing sense of unease that gnawed at the edges of my mind. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe if I just tried harder, loved them more, and did everything right, things would go back to how they used to be—the early days when their affection felt genuine. But that person—the one who made me feel so special in the beginning—was just a mask, cleverly designed to hide their true self. Over time, the seeds of self-doubt took root, leaving me trapped in a cycle of self-blame and confusion. This is the devastating impact of narcissistic abuse. It’s not just about the emotional damage—it’s about how it distorts your sense of self and makes you question your own reality. You may have entered the relationship feeling strong, independent, and confident, only to find yourself feeling fragile and uncertain over time. This is no accident—narcissists thrive on creating instability and ...

Narcissistic abuse can be a confusing and emotionally draining experience, often leaving victims feeling isolated, mentally exhausted, and powerless. It can occur in various types of relationships, including romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even workplace interactions. The hallmark of narcissistic abuse is a pattern of manipulation, control, and emotional exploitation designed to fulfill the narcissist's insatiable need for validation. In this article, we will dive into the 10 key signs of narcissistic abuse, providing examples, personal stories, and tips on how to protect yourself from these harmful behaviors. What is Narcissistic Abuse? Narcissistic abuse refers to the emotional, psychological, and sometimes even physical mistreatment that occurs when an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) engages in manipulative behaviors. Narcissists often display an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need to control others to maintain...

If you’re like me, the thought of standing up for yourself can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain. You want to express your needs and feelings, but there’s always that nagging voice in your head telling you to just keep the peace. If you've ever felt guilty about advocating for yourself, you're definitely not alone. Growing Up in a "Nice" Household The "Be Nice" Mentality I grew up in a household where being "nice" was the golden rule. My parents, well-meaning as they were, always taught me that avoiding conflict was the best way to keep things harmonious. "Don’t argue, just be a nice child," they’d say. I watched my sisters, who seemed to have no trouble asserting themselves, while I often found myself unsure, hesitant, and silent. While they spoke up, I stayed back, always worried that expressing my opinion might cause trouble. It wasn't that I didn’t have thoughts to share, but I learned early on to prioritize others’ feelings...

There’s a bitter truth that takes time to accept when you've been in a narcissistic relationship: it wasn’t love. It wasn’t even close to love. For years, I believed I was experiencing the highs and lows that came with being in a relationship, where love was tested through moments of tension and discomfort. I kept telling myself, “This is what love looks like. Sometimes it hurts, but we fight through it together.” I thought it was love. I thought I was just dealing with the complexities of a real relationship. But what I came to realize—and what’s still difficult for me to accept—is that it wasn’t love at all. It was narcissistic abuse. The Illusion of Love Looking back, it’s hard to believe how many red flags I ignored, how many times I made excuses for behaviors that weren’t okay. I thought their coldness was a sign of tough love or that their cruel words were meant to challenge me to be better. I believed the cycle of highs and lows was just part of love. In the beginning, t...

I used to wonder why socializing left me feeling completely drained. It wasn’t that I didn’t like people—I enjoyed the laughter, the jokes, and the good conversations that came with being around others. But every time I spent time with friends or attended social gatherings, I often felt mentally and physically exhausted. The exhaustion would linger long after, and I found myself needing hours, or sometimes even days, to recover. I couldn’t understand it for a long time. When I tried to explain to others why I felt this way, many people didn’t get it. Some thought I was antisocial or that I didn’t enjoy their company. But that wasn’t the case at all. I did enjoy being with people, but I also needed a lot of space to recharge. And for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why it was so hard for me to simply “be” around others without feeling wiped out afterward..

We often think of fear as something obvious—fear of heights, fear of failure, fear of rejection. But what about the more subtle fears? The ones that keep us from speaking up, taking action, or making necessary changes? These quieter, less noticeable fears can hold us back in ways that we don’t always recognize. For years, I struggled with what I now call "nice person syndrome." It’s the habit of putting others' needs before your own, tolerating discomfort, and avoiding conflict in the name of kindness. But one day, I began to wonder: Is it truly kindness, or is it just fear disguised as politeness? In this journey, I’ve learned that the desire to be “nice” can often lead to self-sabotage. This is the story of how I came to realize that my "niceness" wasn't always helping me—it was hurting me. I’ll share how I learned to stop being afraid of upsetting people and instead started making choices that honored both my needs and the needs of those around me. read ...

The Hidden Struggle: Facing the Shame There’s a quiet, insidious feeling that comes after surviving narcissistic abuse. It’s not the obvious anger, sadness, or confusion that immediately follows the storm—it’s the quiet shame that creeps in over time. You might ask yourself,  “Why didn’t I leave sooner?”  or  “Why didn’t I see the red flags?”  These questions echo in the mind of many survivors, dragging them into a cycle of self-blame and regret. But if you're struggling with these feelings, know that you're not alone. Shame after narcissistic abuse is one of the most pervasive and difficult emotions to process. It can leave you feeling like you’ve failed, like you didn’t protect yourself or recognize the toxicity early enough. But what if I told you that this shame isn't yours to carry? What if the shame you feel is a reflection of the abuse you endured, not your failure as a person? Let’s explore why this shame is a common response after narcissistic abuse, how it ...

It started with whispers—small, seemingly innocent comments that made me second-guess myself. At first, I thought I was just being sensitive, overthinking things that probably didn’t matter. But the more it happened, the more I began to doubt my own reality. Memories that once felt clear were suddenly clouded, and the line between truth and manipulation started to blur. I remember feeling like I was losing myself. I questioned my memory, my emotions, even my sanity. Every time I tried to push back or explain how I felt, it somehow ended up being my fault. I started to wonder if maybe I was the problem. But deep down, a small part of me knew—I wasn’t crazy. I was being manipulated. That realization changed everything. Slowly, I began to reclaim my truth. I started writing things down—conversations, events, even how I felt—so I could see it all clearly and remind myself that my memories weren’t distorted. I stopped trying to argue or explain myself to someone who was never going to liste...