Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of emotional manipulation. It is a tactic commonly used by narcissists and emotionally abusive individuals to undermine a person’s sense of reality, making them question their thoughts, memories, and perceptions. Gaslighting is a long-term, covert form of abuse that erodes a person’s self-esteem and emotional well-being. It’s a slow, insidious process that can leave someone feeling utterly confused, powerless, and disconnected from their own sense of self.
In this post, I will walk you through 10 key signs of gaslighting and share my personal experience with it, showing how gaslighting can affect an individual’s mental health, self-trust, and emotional stability.
1. Persistent Denial of Facts
Gaslighters often deny or distort the truth, even when confronted with clear evidence of their behavior. This tactic makes you feel confused and powerless because, no matter what you do, they will insist you’re wrong.
Example from My Story:
I recall a time when I clearly remembered a conversation in which my partner had promised to do something. When I brought it up again, they denied ever saying it, suggesting I was imagining things. No matter how much I tried to explain what happened, they would dismiss it, saying things like, “You’ve misunderstood” or “That never happened.” I began questioning my memory and started feeling more unsure of myself.
2. Making You Feel Crazy
A hallmark of gaslighting is making you feel like you’re losing your grip on reality. This often leads to feelings of self-doubt, anxiety, and confusion. The gaslighter’s goal is to make you question your own perceptions and beliefs, leaving you uncertain about what is real.
Example from My Story:
In another instance, I began noticing strange behavior—my partner would say one thing and then later act completely differently. Whenever I mentioned it, I was told, “You’re imagining things” or “You’re overreacting.” The more this happened, the more I began to doubt my own senses. Was I truly imagining things? Was I just being too sensitive? These constant doubts wore me down.
3. Frequent Trivializing of Your Emotions
Gaslighters will frequently dismiss your feelings as irrational, unjustified, or over-the-top. This trivializing of your emotions leads you to believe that you are, in fact, being too emotional or sensitive.
Example from My Story:
Whenever I would express hurt, sadness, or frustration about certain things, I was often told that I was “overreacting” or “too sensitive.” For instance, when I voiced my concerns about their behavior, I was met with comments like, “You’re making a big deal out of nothing” or “Just let it go.” This constant dismissal of my emotions left me feeling small and unimportant.
4. Shifting Blame
Gaslighters are notorious for shifting the blame onto others, especially their victims. When confronted about their actions, they will make you feel like it’s your fault, even when the situation is entirely their doing.
Example from My Story:
One of the most frustrating aspects of my relationship was how my partner constantly blamed me for their poor behavior. Whenever I confronted them about their actions, I was met with accusations like, “You made me do this” or “If you weren’t so difficult, I wouldn’t have to act this way.” This made me feel guilty for things that I hadn’t caused and started to make me question my reactions and emotional responses.
5. Using Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Gaslighters often exploit your vulnerabilities to manipulate you. They will bring up past struggles, weaknesses, or insecurities to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or inadequate.
Example from My Story:
I once opened up about some personal struggles from my past, hoping for empathy and understanding. Instead, my partner used this as leverage in future arguments. They would remind me of my vulnerabilities, saying things like, “No wonder you can’t handle this; you’ve always been weak” or “That’s exactly why you don’t deserve my help.” These comments made me feel small and diminished, and I began to internalize their cruel words.
6. Isolating You from Others
A gaslighter will often try to separate you from your support system, including friends, family, and colleagues. By sowing seeds of doubt about others, they try to make you feel like you can only rely on them.
Example from My Story:
Over time, I noticed my partner subtly discouraged me from spending time with friends and family. They would criticize my relationships with others, saying things like, “Your friends don’t really care about you the way I do” or “They’re just using you.” As I started to pull away from my support network, I felt more and more isolated and dependent on them. This isolation made me more vulnerable to their manipulation.
7. Constant Lying
Lying is a core tactic of gaslighting. Gaslighters will lie about everything—from small details to major events—undermining your ability to trust your own judgment.
Example from My Story:
There were times when my partner would lie about events I clearly remembered. One specific example that stands out is when they lied about an incident that I knew had happened. They denied it, saying, “You’re remembering that wrong” or “That never happened.” It was baffling, and I began to wonder whether I was misremembering things or whether they were really manipulating the truth.
8. Rewriting History
Gaslighters frequently revise history, twisting facts and events to fit their narrative. This makes it harder for victims to trust their own memories and adds to the confusion.
Example from My Story:
I had a conversation where I asked my partner about something they had previously said, and they flat-out denied it. They claimed I was “remembering it wrong” and that things had never happened the way I recalled. This caused me to doubt my own memory and gave my partner the upper hand in future arguments. I couldn’t trust my own recollection of events, which was both disorienting and damaging to my self-confidence.
9. Undermining Your Confidence
Gaslighters frequently undermine your self-confidence and self-worth by belittling your achievements, mocking your decisions, or making you feel inadequate.
Example from My Story:
Whenever I had an accomplishment or succeeded at something, my partner would downplay it. “It’s not a big deal” or “Anyone could do that” were the standard responses. Over time, I began to doubt my abilities and started to believe I wasn’t as capable as I once thought. My achievements, once a source of pride, became something I feared discussing because I knew they would be minimized or criticized.
10. Constant Contradictions
Gaslighters are notorious for contradicting themselves in conversations, leaving you feeling confused and unsure of what to believe. They will tell you one thing one day and something completely different the next.
Example from My Story:
On several occasions, my partner’s statements didn’t align. They would say one thing one day and then deny it the next. When I pointed out the inconsistencies, I was told, “You’re just being paranoid” or “You’re taking things too seriously.” This created a constant sense of confusion for me, and I started questioning whether I was the one making everything up.
Conclusion: The Emotional Toll of Gaslighting
Gaslighting isn’t just about manipulation—it’s about control. Over time, it erodes your ability to trust your own perception of reality. It makes you doubt your thoughts, feelings, and memories, leading to confusion, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.
In my experience, gaslighting took a massive toll on my mental health. I started second-guessing myself and questioning my worth. I felt trapped, isolated, and powerless, unsure of where to turn for support. But the first step toward healing was recognizing that I was being manipulated. Only then could I begin to rebuild my self-esteem and take back control of my life.
If you think you might be experiencing gaslighting in your relationships, it’s crucial to reach out for support. Whether that’s talking to a trusted friend, seeking therapy, or simply giving yourself permission to take a step back from the situation, your mental well-being matters.
Remember, you are not alone, and it is possible to regain control and rebuild your confidence. Healing from gaslighting takes time, but it starts with recognizing the manipulation and choosing to protect your emotional health.
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