Introduction: The Moment Everything Felt Wrong
Have you ever had that nagging feeling in your gut, where something just doesn’t sit right, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Imagine being told, time and time again, that you're wrong, even when you know you're not. This feeling of doubt, confusion, and disorientation became my reality for a long time. My memories were questioned, my emotions were belittled, and I was constantly made to feel like I was crazy for feeling the way I did. For the longest time, I couldn’t even trust my own thoughts. This is what it felt like to be gaslighted—a form of emotional manipulation that makes you question your own perception of reality.
In this blog, I want to share my journey of experiencing gaslighting, how it affected me emotionally and mentally, and how I gradually reclaimed my truth. It’s been a long and painful journey, but I've learned valuable lessons about self-trust, boundaries, and standing firm in my own reality.
The First Signs: Small Doubts That Grew Bigger
At first, I didn’t realize what was happening. Gaslighting isn’t something that comes at you all at once; it starts with small, almost insignificant comments. It’s like a drip of water slowly wearing down a rock. Little by little, I started feeling like I wasn’t quite sure of myself. It was subtle—like when someone brushes off your feelings as "too sensitive" or "overdramatic," even though what you’re feeling is real to you. These small dismissals made me question whether I was perhaps just overreacting. Was I too emotional? Was my memory faulty?
I remember the first time it happened. I had shared a story with someone about something that had hurt me. I expected empathy, understanding, maybe even an apology. Instead, I was met with confusion and disbelief. "That’s not how it went," they said, shaking their head. "You’re imagining things." I was shocked. Could I really be mistaken? It didn’t make sense. I was sure of what had happened, yet this person was so adamant that I was wrong. That doubt began to creep in, and I found myself questioning my own perception of the event. The more I experienced these moments, the more they started to add up. And that’s when the seeds of doubt were planted.
The Gaslighting: Feeling Like I Was Losing Myself
As time passed, I realized that these small instances weren’t just misunderstandings; they were part of a pattern. A pattern designed to undermine my confidence, manipulate my emotions, and make me question everything about myself. Gaslighting isn’t just about denying your memories—it’s about making you feel like you're crazy for believing in them. It's a form of psychological manipulation that makes you question not only your memories but also your emotions and reactions.
Every time I expressed my feelings, I was dismissed. "You’re too sensitive," they’d say. Or, "You always blow things out of proportion." At first, I thought it was just a personality clash. But when it kept happening—over and over again—I realized it wasn’t about me being emotional or dramatic. It was about someone else controlling the narrative. My experiences, my feelings, my memories—none of it seemed to matter.
What made it worse was that I started to doubt myself. I began questioning whether I was truly feeling what I thought I was feeling. Were my emotions justified? Were my memories accurate? Every time I voiced my thoughts, I was met with the same response: "That didn’t happen. You’re just imagining things." The more I heard this, the more it started to sink in. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I was remembering things wrong. Maybe I was just too sensitive. The truth became blurry, and I couldn’t tell what was real anymore.
The Emotional Toll: Feeling Alone and Confused
Gaslighting is insidious because it doesn’t just confuse your perception of reality—it makes you feel isolated, like you have no one to turn to. In my case, I felt increasingly alone. I started withdrawing from the people around me, afraid that if I voiced my concerns, I would be met with disbelief or ridicule. Each time I tried to explain how I felt, I was either dismissed or told I was wrong. It wasn’t just a feeling of being misunderstood—it was a complete invalidation of my experience.
I also began to feel like I couldn’t trust anyone, especially myself. When you’re constantly told you’re wrong, it’s easy to start believing it. You start wondering, “Am I crazy?” or “Am I just overthinking this?” It’s a terrible place to be in, because it makes you second-guess your every move, your every word, and your every feeling. Gaslighting doesn’t just confuse your thoughts—it erodes your self-confidence and self-worth.
The emotional toll of this manipulation is hard to put into words. It’s like a slow drain on your soul, where you feel smaller and smaller with each passing day. Your sense of self begins to erode, and you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of being called out for your own emotions or thoughts. It’s exhausting, and it leaves you feeling mentally and emotionally drained.
The Turning Point: Realizing What Was Happening
The turning point came when I realized I was being gaslighted. It wasn’t a single moment, but a slow accumulation of small events. One day, after being told once again that I was imagining things, I stopped and thought, "Wait a minute—this isn’t normal." I realized that I had been manipulated into questioning my own sanity. The more I reflected on the pattern of behavior, the more I understood that I had been gaslighted, and it wasn’t my fault.
Recognizing the manipulation was the first step to reclaiming my truth. It was like a light bulb moment—suddenly, everything clicked into place. I didn’t have to accept someone else’s version of events. I could trust myself again. I could trust my feelings, my memories, and my perception of reality.
Reclaiming My Truth: Taking Back Control
Taking back my truth wasn’t an instant process. It didn’t happen overnight. But once I understood what was happening, I knew I had to start fighting back. It started with accepting that my memories and emotions were valid. I didn’t need anyone else to validate my experience. The more I accepted this truth, the stronger I became.
Writing It Down: Anchoring My Truth
One of the most helpful steps I took was to start writing down my thoughts and feelings. When someone would dismiss my emotions or tell me I was wrong, I would write it all down. I started documenting the events, the way I felt, and the words that were said. Writing became my anchor. It gave me something concrete to hold onto when I started to doubt myself. It also helped me see the pattern of manipulation more clearly.
Seeking Support: Talking to Trusted Friends
Another critical step in reclaiming my truth was seeking support. At first, I felt like no one would believe me. But when I opened up to a few close, trusted friends, I was relieved to find that they didn’t dismiss me. They listened. They validated my feelings. They didn’t tell me I was crazy. They helped me realize that what I had been experiencing wasn’t my fault—it was a form of abuse. Having people who supported me gave me the courage to stand up for myself and trust my own perspective.
Setting Boundaries: Learning to Protect Myself
Setting boundaries with the person who had been gaslighting me was a crucial part of my healing process. It was hard at first. I didn’t want to upset anyone or create conflict, but I knew I had to protect myself. I had to stop allowing this person to manipulate me.
At first, I simply started saying no. When they tried to dismiss my feelings or memories, I would calmly say, "That’s not how I remember it." I began to assert myself more, and the more I did it, the more I realized that I had the right to stand up for myself. I didn’t have to let anyone else define my reality.
The Ongoing Journey: Trusting Myself Again
Even now, there are moments when I doubt myself. There are times when I wonder if I’m reading a situation correctly or if I’m being too sensitive. But I’ve learned to trust my instincts again. I’ve learned to listen to my own inner voice and recognize when something doesn’t feel right. Rebuilding that trust in myself took time, but it’s possible.
You Are Not Alone
If you’ve ever experienced gaslighting, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s a painful and confusing experience, but it doesn’t have to define you. Your truth matters. Your feelings matter. And no one has the right to make you question your reality.
It’s been a long journey, but I’ve learned that I can trust myself again. And so can you.
Gaslighting may have made me question my reality for a long time, but I’ve learned that I have the power to reclaim my truth. And so do you. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s one worth taking.
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