The Endless Cycle of Hurt and Apologies
I used to believe in second chances. And third chances. And fourth. I lost count of how many times I forgave, how many times I told myself, "This time will be different."
Every time they apologized, I wanted so badly to believe it. I wanted to hold onto the hope that things would change, that they would finally see how much their words and actions hurt me. I convinced myself that maybe they just needed more time, more patience, more love. Maybe if I just tried harder, things wouldn’t go back to the way they always did.
But deep down, I knew. I always knew.
No matter how many times they said, "I'm sorry," it never lasted. No matter how many times they promised to change, they never really did.
Why Did I Keep Believing Them?
I guess part of me didn’t want to admit the truth. It’s easier to hold onto hope than to face the reality that someone you care about isn’t willing to change. It’s easier to believe in their words than to accept that their actions speak louder.
When someone tells you, "I didn't mean to hurt you," it softens the blow. It makes you second-guess yourself. It makes you wonder, "Am I overreacting?" And when they follow it up with, "I promise, I'll do better," it gives you that little flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, things will be different this time.
I lived in that cycle for far too long. The hurt. The apology. The promise. The hope. And then—
The same thing all over again.
The Apologies That Meant Nothing
I remember one time, after a particularly painful argument, they looked me straight in the eyes and said, "I swear, this is the last time. I’ll change. Just please don’t be upset anymore."
I wanted to believe them. I wanted to believe that the pain I felt in that moment would never come back. That I wouldn't have to go through it again.
But I did.
Again and again.
Their apologies were just words. There was no action behind them, no real effort to make things better. It was just a way to smooth things over, to make sure I stayed, to keep me hoping.
And I did. For so long, I stayed.
The Fear of Letting Go
I think one of the hardest things was admitting to myself that nothing was going to change. That no matter how many times I forgave, no matter how much I wanted things to be different, the cycle would never break unless I was the one to step away.
But that was terrifying.
Because what if I was wrong? What if this time really was different? What if I walked away right before they finally changed?
And, if I’m being honest, part of me was afraid of what life would be like without them. Even though they hurt me, they were still part of my life. Letting go meant starting over. It meant facing the pain of losing someone, even if they never treated me the way I deserved.
But staying? Staying meant accepting that the hurt would never stop.
"You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm." — Unknown
The Moment Everything Changed
I wish I could say there was one big dramatic moment where I finally realized enough was enough. But the truth is, it wasn’t like that.
It was a hundred little moments.
It was the nights I cried myself to sleep, wondering why I wasn’t enough for them to change. It was the way I started feeling numb to their apologies because I knew deep down they didn’t mean them. It was the exhaustion of hoping, of waiting, of forgiving.
And then, one day, I just couldn’t do it anymore.
I realized that I was holding onto something that was never really there—a version of them that only existed in my hope, not in reality.
So I walked away.
Learning to Choose Myself
At first, it was painful. Letting go of hope feels like losing a part of yourself, like saying goodbye to something you’ve spent so long believing in.
But then, something amazing happened.
I started to feel lighter. The weight of waiting, of hoping, of forgiving—it was gone.
And slowly, I started to see things more clearly. I saw how much I had been ignoring my own feelings just to keep the peace. I saw how much energy I had wasted trying to fix someone who didn’t want to be fixed.
I saw that I deserved better.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
Looking back now, I see things differently.
I see how important it is to listen to actions, not just words. Because real change doesn’t come from an apology—it comes from consistent effort.
I see that forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t mean you have to stay in a place where you’re being hurt.
And I see that hope can be both a beautiful and dangerous thing. It can keep you going, but it can also keep you stuck.
Now, I choose to hope for something different.
Not that they’ll change. Not that they’ll come back better.
But that I’ll continue to grow, to heal, and to build a life where I don’t have to keep waiting for change that never comes.
Because the truth is, the only person I can control is me.
And I choose to move forward.
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this and it feels familiar, I want you to know—you’re not alone. I know how hard it is to walk away when you still have hope. I know how exhausting it is to keep forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.
But please remember this: You don’t have to keep waiting. You don’t have to keep hoping for someone to change. You are allowed to choose yourself.
And when you finally do, you’ll see—it’s the best decision you’ll ever make.
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different." — Oprah Winfrey
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