Trusting My Own Eyes: Ending the Fog of Narcissistic Gaslighting

Trusting my own eyes was a skill I had to learn from scratch, like a child learning to walk, but with the added weight of a thousand lies pinned to my back. For a long time, I lived in a state of perpetual "maybe." Maybe I heard it wrong. Maybe they didn’t mean it that way. Maybe my memory is just failing me. When you are systematically gaslit, you don't just lose an argument; you lose the ability to verify your own existence. Today, that cycle ends. I am no longer the "unreliable narrator" of my life. I am the witness. If it felt wrong, it was wrong. If I saw it, it happened.

In my own recovery, I realized that the "fog" wasn't just a metaphor; it was a physiological state. My brain had been hijacked by a survival mechanism that prioritized the abuser's version of reality over my own. This fawning response isn't a character flaw—it’s a biological shield. But as I began the work of the Soojz Project, I learned that trusting my own eyes is the ultimate act of self-sovereignty. It is the moment you stop looking for a second opinion on your own life.


At Recovering Me, we honor the slow, layered process of healing. Emotional complexity is not chaos—it’s information. And when we stop fighting our inner world, we finally begin to trust ourselves again. 

Trusting my own eyes by looking through a clear lens of reality.
Moving from the shattered perspective of gaslighting to the clear vision of truth.


The Psychological Erasure: My Life in the Hall of Mirrors

I remember standing in my kitchen, staring at a bruise on my arm or a broken plate on the floor, and being told—with absolute, calm conviction—that it wasn't there. Or worse, that I had put it there myself in a "fit of hysteria" I didn't remember. This is the psychological erasure that makes trusting my own eyes feel like an act of madness. Narcissistic abuse functions by slowly dismantling your reality testing. It starts with small things, like the temperature of the room or the time of an appointment, until your entire perception is up for debate.

When we talk about trusting my own eyes, we are talking about repairing the prefrontal cortex. Chronic stress and gaslighting actually shrink the part of the brain responsible for logical reasoning while hyper-activating the amygdala. I lived in that hyper-activated state for years. I wasn't "crazy"; I was physically incapable of processing the truth because my body thought the truth would get me killed. Healing meant teaching my nervous system that it was finally safe to see the world as it actually is, not as I needed it to be to survive.

Read  Reconnecting With Your Intuition Is a Revolutionary Act



Recovering Me: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
https://recoveringmeproject.blogspot.com/


Not Just Me : Finding Myself Beyond Anxiety and Depression
https://notjustmeproject.blogspot.com/



Why Trusting My Own Eyes Felt Like a Threat to My Safety

For the survivor, clarity is often the most dangerous thing in the room. In my experience, the moment I started trusting my own eyes, I knew the relationship was over. That is a terrifying realization. Your brain might actually "dim the lights" on your perception to keep you from seeing a truth that you aren't yet ready to handle. I call this "protective blindness."

In the Soojz Project, we focus on nervous system support because you cannot think your way out of a gaslit fog. You have to feel your way out. When I began to honor the "body's eyes"—the way my heart would race when a certain person entered the room, or the way my vision would blur during an argument—I started to gather real data. Trusting my own eyes meant acknowledging that my body was a more reliable witness than my abuser’s words.

Read more  Who Am I When No One Is Watching Me?


Dismantling the "Unreliable Narrator" Internal Script

I used to carry a mental script that sounded like a defense attorney for my abuser. Whenever I saw a red flag, the script would say: "You're being too sensitive," or "They’re just under a lot of stress." This is the internal gaslighter. To pivot toward trusting my own eyes, I had to start labeling those thoughts as "Intrusive Programming."

I started keeping a "Reality Journal." If something happened that felt off, I wrote it down immediately. When the gaslighting started later that day, I would go back to my notes. Seeing my own handwriting describing the event was the first step in trusting my own eyes. It provided the external evidence my internal world was too shaky to hold. I was moving from a victim of a narrative to the author of a factual history.


"If silence is the blueprint for growth, then this music is the air that fills the room. Quiet Peace : Back to Me was born from the realization that I am my own safe haven."  


Somatic Tools for Reclaiming Sensory Clarity

You cannot reclaim your vision if your body is in a state of collapse. Trusting my own eyes requires a "bottom-up" approach to healing. When I was deeply dysregulated, my peripheral vision would literally tunnel. I couldn't see the exits; I couldn't see the beauty; I could only see the threat.

To expand your vision and begin trusting my own eyes again, I recommend these somatic practices:

  • The Sight-Naming Ritual: Stand in a safe space. Name three things you see that are blue. Three things that are round. This anchors your brain in the now, breaking the feedback loop of the past.

  • The Witness Breath: Inhale while looking at an object, exhale while acknowledging, "I see this. It is real." This pairs oxygenation with reality-testing.

  • Eye Movement Desensitization: Gently shifting your gaze from left to right can help process the "stuck" images of traumatic memories, making it easier to focus on the present.







Moving Beyond the Need for External Validation

One of the hardest parts of my journey was stopping the "survey." I would ask five different friends, "Does this sound crazy to you?" I was still looking for a master to tell me what was real. Trusting my own eyes means eventually firing the jury. You are the only person who lived your life. You are the only one who felt the coldness in the room.

This is where self-sovereignty lives. It’s the quiet, steady realization that even if no one else on earth believes you, you believe you. When I finally reached that point, the narcissist lost their power. You cannot control someone who trusts their own senses.



Reclaiming the Narrative: The Soojz Project Way

The goal of "Recovering Me" isn't just to get over the "ex." It’s to get back to you. When I talk about trusting my own eyes, I’m talking about reclaiming the "I" in "I am." We move from survival—where we are a character in someone else’s play—to self-sovereignty, where we are the creators of our own world.

By trusting my own eyes, I began to see the beauty I had missed while I was scanning for landmines. I saw the kindness of strangers, the colors of the seasons, and the strength in my own reflection. This isn't just recovery; it’s a rebirth of the self. Your nervous system is designed to heal. Your eyes are designed to see the truth. Let them.

👉 Read the full blog for deeper insights: Why Does Calm Feel Unnatural at First During Recovery? https://notjustmeproject.blogspot.com/

#MentalHealth #AnxietyRecovery #NervousSystem #MindBodyWellness #TheSoojzProject



Conclusion: The Sovereign Witness

Trusting my own eyes was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the most rewarding. It is the foundation of everything we do here. You are not "broken," and you certainly aren't "unreliable." You are a survivor who is currently recalibrating your compass.

As you move through your day, remember: your eyes are the windows to your soul, but they are also the guards of your peace. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Trust yourself. You have reclaimed your narrative, and the view from here is beautiful.

3 Key Takeaways

  1. Your body is a witness: Somatic responses like a racing heart are "data points" that help you in trusting my own eyes.

  2. Validation starts within: You don't need a consensus to own your reality.

  3. The fog is physiological: Nervous system support is the key to clearing the mental haze of gaslighting.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Your Feelings Don’t Need Permission: Embrace What You Feel

Image
  Introduction Your feelings don’t need permission — they simply need space to exist. I’ve learned that healing begins the moment we stop asking others to validate how we feel. Emotions aren’t wrong or right; they’re messages from within, guiding us toward understanding, growth, and authenticity. When I first realized this truth, it felt liberating. I no longer needed to apologize for feeling sad, anxious, or even joyful. Instead, I learned to embrace what I feel without judgment. Through this awareness, I found the true meaning of emotional freedom — the permission to be unapologetically myself. Over the years, I’ve discovered that many people go through life suppressing emotions because they fear judgment or feel the need to conform. I want to share my journey, the lessons I’ve learned, and practical steps you can take to fully honor your feelings without guilt. Understanding Emotional Permission For years, I thought emotional control meant strength. I believed that suppres...
Read more

Why Rebuilding Self-Trust After Abuse Is a Radical Act

Image
  Introduction  Rebuilding self-trust after abuse didn’t feel empowering at first. It felt terrifying. When the abuse ended, I expected relief. Instead, I was left alone with decisions — and I didn’t trust myself to make any of them. Simple choices felt heavy. What to say. What to eat. When to leave. I questioned everything, convinced that one wrong move would put me back in danger. I had learned, over time, that my instincts were flawed. That my feelings were unreliable. That trusting myself led to punishment. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just control your life while it’s happening. It follows you into the quiet. It lives in the hesitation before a decision and the fear after making one. Even when no one is watching, the doubt remains. For a long time, I believed self-trust was something confident people had — something I had lost forever. But rebuilding self-trust after abuse isn’t about becoming fearless. It’s about choosing yourself even when fear is still there. This...
Read more

Why Does Calm Feel Unnatural at First During Recovery?

Image
  When calm feels unnatural at first , it can be a jarring and confusing experience for anyone recovering from chronic anxiety or depression. For years, I existed in a state of high-intensity survival, where my body was constantly braced for the next emotional storm. My mind was conditioned to seek out problems to solve, believing that "worrying" was the only way to keep myself safe. Consequently, when I finally achieved moments of genuine silence, I didn't feel peaceful. Instead, I felt a deep sense of wrongness, as if the lack of chaos was simply the "calm before the storm." This response is a hallmark of a dysregulated nervous system that has forgotten how to be still. At The Soojz Project , we explore these shared psychological stories to remind you that your struggle is not yours alone. We understand that when calm feels unnatural at first , it is often because your brain has developed a high tolerance for stress hormones . You may have spent so long in ...
Read more