Recovering Me: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

The Endless Cycle of Hurt and Apologies I used to believe in second chances. And third chances. And fourth. I lost count of how many times I forgave, how many times I told myself, "This time will be different." Every time they apologized, I wanted so badly to believe it. I wanted to hold onto the hope that things would change, that they would finally see how much their words and actions hurt me. I convinced myself that maybe they just needed more time, more patience, more love. Maybe if I just tried harder, things wouldn’t go back to the way they always did. But deep down, I knew. I always knew. No matter how many times they said, "I'm sorry," it never lasted. No matter how many times they promised to change, they never really did. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." — Maya Angelou Why Did I Keep Believing Them? I guess part of me didn’t want to admit the truth. It’s easier to hold onto hope than to face the reality that...

The Slow Disappearance of Me I never intended to shrink. It wasn’t a conscious decision, nor did I expect it to happen. It started subtly, almost imperceptibly, and before I knew it, I was someone I didn’t even recognize. The first time I noticed the shift was when I realized I was always walking on eggshells, constantly adjusting my thoughts, my voice, and even my body language to avoid upsetting them. It wasn’t about love anymore. It was about survival. In the early days of the relationship, they seemed perfect—charming, confident, and incredibly attentive. I had never felt so wanted, so cherished. But slowly, almost imperceptibly, I started to shrink. It was like I was trying to fit into a mold, to become the person they wanted me to be. They didn’t ask me to shrink—I did it on my own. They didn't need to say a word; their actions, their criticism, their disregard for my feelings told me everything I needed to know. Slowly, I felt myself disappearing. I’d say something, and...

When you're in a narcissistic relationship, prioritizing yourself feels almost impossible. The constant emotional manipulation and guilt-tripping from your partner create a barrier that makes self-care feel like betrayal. I remember the first time I truly focused on my needs instead of constantly accommodating my partner's desires. The backlash I received was overwhelming. "You never care about me," my partner would say, eyes full of accusation, as if my needs were irrelevant, selfish, and cruel. It wasn't the first time I heard it, but that day, it hit harder than usual. I had done something simple: I chose to take a break and do something for myself. And yet, in that moment, I was faced with the harsh reality of how narcissists can manipulate and twist the concept of love and selflessness. I want to share my story with you because I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. If you've ever been in a relationship where your needs were constantly undermined...

The Struggle to Feel Enough I’ve always believed that hard work should be acknowledged. Whether it’s putting in the extra hours to study for a test or staying late to help a friend, I wanted to hear someone say, “You did a great job!” But in a narcissistic relationship, I found that my efforts often went unnoticed, and I was left questioning myself. In that relationship, I constantly fought to prove I was enough. I tried to meet expectations that seemed to shift with no clear goal. But no matter how much I gave, it never seemed to be enough. And the deeper I got into this relationship, the more I realized that this wasn't just about doing enough—it was about trying to fulfill an impossible standard set by someone who would never truly appreciate me for who I was. The Cycle of Unmet Expectations In my experience, narcissistic relationships are all about control, manipulation, and setting unrealistically high standards that are never meant to be met. When I look back, I can see h...

  I was in a covert relationship, controlled without even realizing it. I didn’t realize it at first. It wasn’t one of those obvious relationships where you know you’re being mistreated. There were no raised voices, no harsh words, no bruises to explain. To anyone on the outside, it would have looked like the perfect relationship—caring, stable, even enviable. But beneath the surface, it was anything but. I was being controlled in the most subtle, insidious way possible. Not through force, but through suggestion. Not through rage, but through quiet disapproval. He never yelled, never demanded—but somehow, I found myself rearranging my entire life around him. It took me a long time to see it for what it was: covert control. And by the time I finally saw the truth, I had already lost pieces of myself. The Beginning When we first met, he seemed perfect. Charming. Attentive. He made me feel seen in a way that no one else ever had. He would text me first thing in the morning a...

Narcissistic abuse is a deeply damaging experience that leaves lasting emotional and psychological scars. The constant manipulation, criticism, and emotional instability inflicted by a narcissist create an environment where anxiety and depression thrive. Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves trapped in a cycle of fear, confusion, and self-doubt long after the abusive relationship has ended. The mental toll of being devalued, gaslighted, and emotionally controlled can erode a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional stability. Over time, this leads to chronic stress responses, feelings of sadness, emotional numbness, and an inability to trust one's own judgment. Anxiety and depression become common emotional responses as the mind and body attempt to cope with the trauma of abuse. This article explores the complex relationship between narcissistic abuse, anxiety, and depression. We'll examine how narcissistic abuse creates the perfect environment for mental health...